.jpg)
A few days ago, I read an article in my local newspaper that said a politician was suspending her campaign for our state senate. I love this word "suspend" because it captures what I'm doing here. I'm suspending my blog, making room for other things right now. Thanks for reading. It really helped me to know that people are out there, listening and reading.
I participate in a teleclass with Mary O'Malley, who wrote The Gift of Our Compulsions, and she said something that has stayed with me since our most recent call: We are like peaches ripening on a tree. Once you start awakening to consciousness around your compulsions, you cannot stop the process. You can’t speed it up AND you can’t stop it. So, I continue with my awakening, and I intend for it to lead me to my natural weight.
As an ending note for today, please enjoy this poem by Rumi. It's called Guest House:
This being human is a guesthouse.
Every morning is a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness
Comes as an unexpected visitor
Welcome and entertain them all.
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Welcome difficulty.
Learn the alchemy True Human Beings know:
The moment you accept what troubles you’ve been given, the door opens.
Welcome difficult as a familiar comrade. Joke with torment brought by the Friend.
Sorrows are the rags of old clothes and jackets that serve to cover, and then are taken off.
That undressing, and the beautiful naked body underneath is the sweetness that comes after grief.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Clutter and Weight
I noticed a review for a recently published book that's worth noting. It's called Does this Clutter Make my Butt Look Fat? and it's written by Peter Walsh. I haven't read the book, but it speaks to something that I've noticed for a long time: clutter is a reflection of disorder in our lives and so is extra weight, and there's a large overlap in the Venn diagram between these two. Address one, and it shows up in the other. One of my own weight loss coaches, Kathrine Brown, introduced me to this concept, and I've seen it in my own clients. Pamela and I have an entire session of our 30+ podcast devoted to it.
In the People magazine interview with Peter Walsh, he makes the point about clutter and weight: "Diets aren't about food; they're about decisions. If you have a messy, disorganized kitchen, you will always default to the easy. You'll get takeout. If your dining room table is piled with bills, you won't want to sit and have a healthy family meal there."
His point is worth extending. If you're surrounded by piles of clutter, it's a mirror back to yourself, and it reinforces an underlying belief. Usually the underlying belief is something like, "I'm not worth getting my stuff together." As you're constantly presented with evidence of this underlying belief, competing new beliefs can't make much headway. Address your clutter and you address your weight. It's got some other layers, too. Get some support as you meet your clutter so that you can process the emotions that emerge. It'll help you get to the root of what's plaguing you.
In the People magazine interview with Peter Walsh, he makes the point about clutter and weight: "Diets aren't about food; they're about decisions. If you have a messy, disorganized kitchen, you will always default to the easy. You'll get takeout. If your dining room table is piled with bills, you won't want to sit and have a healthy family meal there."
His point is worth extending. If you're surrounded by piles of clutter, it's a mirror back to yourself, and it reinforces an underlying belief. Usually the underlying belief is something like, "I'm not worth getting my stuff together." As you're constantly presented with evidence of this underlying belief, competing new beliefs can't make much headway. Address your clutter and you address your weight. It's got some other layers, too. Get some support as you meet your clutter so that you can process the emotions that emerge. It'll help you get to the root of what's plaguing you.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Change is not a requirement
My friend Scott sent this Rainer Maria Rilke poem in his newsletter, and I want to include it here because it reminds me of my latest "aha!"
I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring
clear without my contriving.
If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.
Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.
As I've worked with Mary O'Malley, one thing she's taught me is that I don't have to change how I feel. I just need to acknowledge it, and then it can float on down the river. As I sit at the computer, and my thighs press together, I think "yuck! I don't want to feel this way," and I want to scurry on to another experience, another emotion. But I can't leave here, I can't move on. What's being asked of me is to just experience what's here. Breath in, breath out. It's not my job to shift the feeling right now. Aha, I think. No, Mary would say, let go of the thinking, too. Okay. Breath in, breath out.
The irony that I'm discovering is that by being present to the "I'm stuck" or "I'm sad" or "I'm lonely" experiences allow them to move on. Instead of wrestling these yuckies, I let them drift by like a cloud on the wind. By not forcing them out, they leave more readily. And I wave goodbye, strangely grateful now for their presence.
I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring
clear without my contriving.
If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.
Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.
As I've worked with Mary O'Malley, one thing she's taught me is that I don't have to change how I feel. I just need to acknowledge it, and then it can float on down the river. As I sit at the computer, and my thighs press together, I think "yuck! I don't want to feel this way," and I want to scurry on to another experience, another emotion. But I can't leave here, I can't move on. What's being asked of me is to just experience what's here. Breath in, breath out. It's not my job to shift the feeling right now. Aha, I think. No, Mary would say, let go of the thinking, too. Okay. Breath in, breath out.
The irony that I'm discovering is that by being present to the "I'm stuck" or "I'm sad" or "I'm lonely" experiences allow them to move on. Instead of wrestling these yuckies, I let them drift by like a cloud on the wind. By not forcing them out, they leave more readily. And I wave goodbye, strangely grateful now for their presence.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Giving attention
Renee sent a supreme question in response to my last post: So, what does it mean to give yourself attention? How does it play out in your activities? The short answer is it means that we listen to ourselves, our souls, at a deep level. And it's more than meditation or pausing. It's stepping out of what Mary O'Malley calls "the attic of our minds" into our hearts and our bodies.
Mary gives an example in her book The Gift of Our Compulsions. Imagine that music is blasting in your house. You turn off the music, and suddenly, you can hear all of the sounds that were masked by the blaring music: the hum of the fridge, the dog's toenails clicking on the kitchen floor, the thunk of the mail dropping through the mail slot. Our struggles are the too-loud music, and our hearts, our true selves, are the masked sounds.
To address the how-to part of Renee's question, Mary offers four questions to ask ourselves throughout our day:
Mary gives an example in her book The Gift of Our Compulsions. Imagine that music is blasting in your house. You turn off the music, and suddenly, you can hear all of the sounds that were masked by the blaring music: the hum of the fridge, the dog's toenails clicking on the kitchen floor, the thunk of the mail dropping through the mail slot. Our struggles are the too-loud music, and our hearts, our true selves, are the masked sounds.
To address the how-to part of Renee's question, Mary offers four questions to ask ourselves throughout our day:
- In this moment, what am I experiencing?
- For this moment, can I let this be here?
- In this moment, can I touch this with compassion?
- Right now, what do I truly need?
There's more, of course. And that's the essence of it: reconnecting with ourselves. Telling our own truth, the truth that lies underneath our noise, our struggle, our compulsions.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Replace judgment with compassion
I've been participating in a food compulsions group led by Mary O'Malley (http://www.maryomalley.com/), and it's opening me up, allowing me to experience life on another plane. Instead of worrying about food, sitting in deprivation or "I don't care" mode, I'm much more present to myself. Mary says that when we are gripped by food compulsions, what we're really hungry for is our own attention. She teaches a process of returning to ourselves.
One of her key messages is replacing judgment with compassion. Notice the judgmental voice that rises up in you, give it a name so that you can recognize it, and then just sharpen your awareness. "Ah, there is is again." Without attachment. In this way, we relate TO the judgment rather than operate FROM it or being lost in it.
Her concepts and her words are simple, and they touch me so deeply.
One of her key messages is replacing judgment with compassion. Notice the judgmental voice that rises up in you, give it a name so that you can recognize it, and then just sharpen your awareness. "Ah, there is is again." Without attachment. In this way, we relate TO the judgment rather than operate FROM it or being lost in it.
Her concepts and her words are simple, and they touch me so deeply.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Poetry and body image
My neighbor sent me this fun poem, called "Pat," written by John Hegley:
I said Pat
you are fat
and you are cataclysmically desirable
and to think I used to think
that slim was where it's at
well not any more Pat
you've changed that
you love yourself
you flatter yourself
you shatter their narrow image of the erotic
and Pat said
what do you mean FAT?
I love the poem because it addresses the body image side of weight loss. Until we accept - no embrace - our bodies, we can't move from this spot. I often hear clients talk about how they are motivated to lose weight because they can't stand how they look. Self-disgust is a shallow pool to draw motivation from.
Health fears are also trotted out as reasons to pursue weight loss. Yes, and... And, we're worth so much more than that. Diabetes, heart disease, cancer -- all linked to (that dreaded word) obesity, yet threats actually make us dig in our heals even more. Remember when an authority (say a teacher) told you if you didn't do X, then BIG CONSEQUENCES! Didn't it make you want to do the opposite of X?
Look at where you want to go, what's the destination you have in mind? When you reach your goal weight, what does that enable in your life? What does it bring you externally, internally and in the bigger picture? One of my former weight loss coaches, Kathrine Brown, used to ask me this question, and it really hit home for me. Instead of focusing on where you're leaving, put your attention on where you're going. Look forward.
I said Pat
you are fat
and you are cataclysmically desirable
and to think I used to think
that slim was where it's at
well not any more Pat
you've changed that
you love yourself
you flatter yourself
you shatter their narrow image of the erotic
and Pat said
what do you mean FAT?
I love the poem because it addresses the body image side of weight loss. Until we accept - no embrace - our bodies, we can't move from this spot. I often hear clients talk about how they are motivated to lose weight because they can't stand how they look. Self-disgust is a shallow pool to draw motivation from.
Health fears are also trotted out as reasons to pursue weight loss. Yes, and... And, we're worth so much more than that. Diabetes, heart disease, cancer -- all linked to (that dreaded word) obesity, yet threats actually make us dig in our heals even more. Remember when an authority (say a teacher) told you if you didn't do X, then BIG CONSEQUENCES! Didn't it make you want to do the opposite of X?
Look at where you want to go, what's the destination you have in mind? When you reach your goal weight, what does that enable in your life? What does it bring you externally, internally and in the bigger picture? One of my former weight loss coaches, Kathrine Brown, used to ask me this question, and it really hit home for me. Instead of focusing on where you're leaving, put your attention on where you're going. Look forward.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Strengthening my mind-body connection
Utne Reader has an article called "Love Your Fat Self" in the current issue. There's a quote that really appeals to me in the article. It's by mindfulness expert Susan Albers: The dieting mind-set is akin to taking a knife and cutting the connection that is your body's only line of communication with your head. The article goes on to say that "there is little hope for long-term improvement in health when this vital line is severed." Amen to these ideas. I live by them.
I am often drawn to diets. They are like magnets, pulling me into its force field -- like when my friend mentioned the ginger-lemon detox that she and her sister were doing recently -- at first, I scoffed and resisted ("I'm done playing with my food!" I said to myself). Then, days later, I'm researching this detox on the internet. I, like everyone else, want there to a be simple formula for sustained change. And it's right here in front of me, yet I keep resisting it. Following the Diet's Don't Work guidelines: eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm no longer hungry, eat mindfully, and eat what I want. Simple forumula: come from within, LISTEN to myself.
The place where I get lost is when I use food for emotional reasons. My top three food triggers: anger, guilt and the biggest: being trapped. My biggest trapped place is parenting. I have a definition for Good Moms. Good Moms stay at home with their children. Good Moms put their children before themselves. Good Moms center their lives around their children. What really works for me is to work outside my home. When I'm engaged, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually, I have energy for my kids and for others. When I put myself at the top of my priority list a little bit each day, I am nourished. When I have a vision for my life that includes my children (rather than focuses on them), I have direction, a compass by which to measure my progress.
In 2008, I'm continuing to strengthen the connection between my mind and my body that Susan Albers articulates in Utne Reader. What's your connection between your mind and body look like? How do you strengthen it?
I am often drawn to diets. They are like magnets, pulling me into its force field -- like when my friend mentioned the ginger-lemon detox that she and her sister were doing recently -- at first, I scoffed and resisted ("I'm done playing with my food!" I said to myself). Then, days later, I'm researching this detox on the internet. I, like everyone else, want there to a be simple formula for sustained change. And it's right here in front of me, yet I keep resisting it. Following the Diet's Don't Work guidelines: eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm no longer hungry, eat mindfully, and eat what I want. Simple forumula: come from within, LISTEN to myself.
The place where I get lost is when I use food for emotional reasons. My top three food triggers: anger, guilt and the biggest: being trapped. My biggest trapped place is parenting. I have a definition for Good Moms. Good Moms stay at home with their children. Good Moms put their children before themselves. Good Moms center their lives around their children. What really works for me is to work outside my home. When I'm engaged, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually, I have energy for my kids and for others. When I put myself at the top of my priority list a little bit each day, I am nourished. When I have a vision for my life that includes my children (rather than focuses on them), I have direction, a compass by which to measure my progress.
In 2008, I'm continuing to strengthen the connection between my mind and my body that Susan Albers articulates in Utne Reader. What's your connection between your mind and body look like? How do you strengthen it?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
